"Choosing to SEE" A journey of Struggle and Hope Part 1

I am reading a book by MaryBeth Chapman, wife of Steven Curtis Chapman. http://www.christianbook.com/choosing-see-journey-struggle-and-hope/mary-chapman/9780800719913/pd/719913

I have really enjoyed this book as I have identified with it in so many ways. Our journeys are different but our struggles and triumphs have been very similar. I will be sharing many quotes from her both through this blog.

pg. 40 They had just finished visiting the zoo on their honeymoon in the pouring rain and all the animals were hiding in their habitats. "As we strolled in the rain, we realized we were about as far apart in personality as two people could be. We cried together on the drive back to Nashville. The wedding was over, and reality was upon us. "

I remember those emotions well on our honeymoon. I remember sitting on the bed wanting to just lay there and rest and Tim says, "Come on lets go snorkeling or something!" I think we argued over what to eat and do and.....

pg 41 "We had known some of this while we were dating, of course but dating is the Land of Magical Thinking. Once we had moved to the Land of Matrimony, we realized that Tigger had married Eeyore. Steve's bouncy-bouncy, glass half full perspective was now link till death do us part with my glass half empty, "Oh-bother" outlook, and rarely the twain would meet."

Well those who know us well, know that Tigger was Tim's nick-name!! I knew I was in-love with this man but "real life" was starting and boy was I in for a ride!

pg 43 "....but nobody could frustrate me like that man! I couldn't communicate the way Steven Could. (Believe me, I still can't!) He was frustrated and was trying to fix me. I didn't think I needed fixing. When we would fight, he'd quote Scripture at me (he would later admit that this was a huge mistake). So he'd say things about how we couldn't let the sun go down on our anger, and I would say "Oh, yeah? Watch this!" And I'd lie down and fall asleep."

Just substitute the names Steven for Tim in the above.

Psalm 69 :1-2 Save me oh God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters, the floods engulf me.

Psalm 142:3 When my spirit faints within me, you know my way!

Pg. 64 "People who don't know much about depression often think of it as great sadness, and while it is that, it is so much more. I was sad, mad, frustrated, fearful, reclusive, critical, overwhelmed, and hopeless. No one wants to live with a person who's experiencing the,. And here was Steven (or Tim), trying his best to understand, but because of his positive outlook on life it was hard for him. I felt like he was just clueless to what was going on inside of me. We'd moved into a new house, I had ....... and it was up to me to multitask my way through all kinds of challenges each day.

pg 65 Meanwhile, Tigger the optimistic was getting ready for his biggest tour to date. It would be full of ministries opportunities and happy fans who would applaud his performances and confirm how talented he was. ........ As it became more and more apparent that I was overwhelmed and hurting, managers said they could pull the plug on ..... at any point so ... care for his family. I knew that a lot of money had already been invested....." "

Tigger, I mean , Tim is getting ready for the biggest opportunity of his life. He is possibly selling his company to go with a bigger more valuable company. He's on this radio show. The people love him. He has adoring fans at the company that is interested in him, adoring clients, and more. They tell him how smart and talented he is.

Meanwhile, I have stepped way back in what I'm doing. I was leading a co-op and having a homeschool family fellowship on Wednesday afternoons, mentoring our moms interested in homeschooling, homeschooling our children and reading/planning lessons. Now two of our boys are at private school. We get up early with them and finish what homework didn't get done the night before, rush them off to school, pick them up and start the homeschool and evening routine. During the day I play with the little ones and school Hannah. No more co-ops or mentoring.

Tigger and Eeyore make an interesting pair.

Read more in part 2.