I can hear the "Hoorah's" already. On Wednesday, my husband and I went to our first counseling session. Ok, who can say after 15 1/2 years of marriage some therapy might be a good thing to help you last the next 50 years together. We meet with a Christian therapist that works with many couples from our church. Today I had a session with the therapist alone. Ok, once again we all know that the stuff that gets brought to the surface in the session doesn't always get dealt with there. In fact, the Holy Spirit through the therapist brings up stuff to the surface that you aren't even aware of that's there or haven't been dealt with and you spend the next few days or until the next session trying to get through it all.
We started with me sharing a dream that I had after the last session. It really painted a picture for somethings that I couldn't put in words.
It began with us on a date with another couple from our past (meaning they are not together any longer), at the football stadium. My friend and I left to go to the restroom. We entered a multiple story building an rode the elevator up. It was a completely glass elevator that overlooked the water below. The doors were like a door you would see in the city that spins on a pivot and you have to get through quickly before it spins around again. Anyway, my friend got through and I didn't. The door spin and opened again facing out, and I stepped out of elevator falling down into the water. I woke up in the dream while being checked out of the hospital. I was holding my arms stiffly as they ached and was walking very slowly and carefully because of the pain. My husband was by my side saying, "Come on, you can do this. Its not that bad. We can get through this. Enjoy the sun on your face and the fresh breeze. Come on hun, come on. I felt like I was soo weak and fragile yet I had to keep going. Like I was being tugged by a rope.
I quickly pointed out that I'm not suicidal in anyway but have felt weak. Anyway, his interpretation was right on and was a good start to the session.
At the end, he encouraged me to keep blogging and go back to writing poetry like a did as a kid. Its what I did to work through the emotions of what i was experiencing, much like David did in the Psalms!
Tonight my husband and I had a date and lots came up and it was to say the least painful. I know God is faithful and we will get through this but I think its going to be like peeling an onion, layer by layer. Below is the poem I wrote tonight:
I don't want to cry another tear
I don't want to feel this pain
I'm weak in this fear
Another day of rain
I want to feel the Son's rays
In frustration and hurt I'm drowning
I want to lift my arms in praise
And turn my smile from frowning
Oh Lord hear my cry
Lift me out of this mess
Reach down and I will try
To take hold of your hand
Lord this I detest
Angels surround me and lift this pain from me
My heart is yours, Oh God
I want to be
Who you created
Spread my wings and fly
Fly in your delight
Joyous walking hand and hand