To those new to my blog, I should start here! (Name omitted for privacy). I'm a stay at home mom to our 5 blessings ages 2 1/2 -11 and been married to my husband 15 years this past May. This has been a hard past few years for us.
About two years ago, someone whom was influential in our lives contacted us to let us know their property was for sale. My husband and I met 17 years ago at a small Bible study/church held on this person’s property. We prayed and prayed for two years about buying and relocating our family there (about 1 1/2 hours away). It would have radically changed our lives. My whole family lives within 10 miles here and our church family is here. The property is in the middle of nowhere (15-20 minutes to the nearest store). We had discussed having a summer camp and school there too. Anyway, this past January we put it on the market for the second time and I showed the house 33 times in 6 months, along with caring for the kids, keeping the place show ready, leading a co-op, and homeschooling. I ran on sheer adrenaline. In June we felt released from the property and the showing contract expired. When it expired we were relieved but confused. We went from a million miles an hour with a purpose in mind to nothing and what now? My immune system was really weak and I started to crash physically and emotionally. Then the first of July I went to pick blueberries and got poison ivy. It went into the bloodstream and I got a systemic infection that was atrocious. I spend the next 7 weeks on various does of steroids to get rid of it. I am still battling the affects of the steroids, low immune, etc. Plus I was already dealing with depression. At the end of August (about a week and a half after finishing the steroids) my body went into shock. It started with a migraine on a Wednesday night. All day Thursday I got up ate, and went back to bed. I slept most of the day. Same with Friday. My speech slurred or stuttered, my breathing was taxed, my hands wanted to curl up and my teeth was grit and I just couldn't articulate was wrong with me. I felt like I was going to die. It felt like the worst flu you could have. My husband took me to the doctor and he said at this point she's severely depressed and it has manifested physically symptoms as well as emotional. He sent me how with an antidepressant and a sleep inducer for at night (so I wouldn't have insomnia at night anymore).
I was praying the whole time and asking Him why? And what?
While on the steroids I was on top of the world cleaning out everything and organizing like crazy. I had our whole school planned out to a T and was really excited about it. But when everything started crashing down my husband had a different thought about it all. That Saturday we went on a date while my parents watched the kids. He said he felt like I was overwhelmed and we needed to remove 1/3 of what I was doing. He said it was best to put the middle boys (2 of them) in the private Christian school for the year. That would leave me with the two youngest and the oldest to school. He also wanted me to back off on leading a co-op. Well it was a really crush for me. I loved homeschooling and I knew what the schedule with the boys in school would be like. Wed done this once before. The first three weeks were a nightmare! Today ends the 4th week and Im finally better with it. I am being submissive to my husband on this one!
To add to all of this, while I was in bed that Thursday during the crash, a realtor left a message wanting to show the house. I didn't listen to the voice mail until Saturday, I told my husband about it but left it alone. He called back on Monday and said " I am bring a buyer into your neighborhood to see two other houses but I know they will like yours the best. They have seen pictures of it already from the expired listings and driven over there. They are buying in cash and this could be a real easy sell." My husband and I agree there was no harm in letting him in. I told him I was not going to clean up and if they could see the four walls and land for what they were worth he could show them. Two days later they gave us an offer. We countered and they accepted it as is. We were shocked and a little bewildered to say the least. All this happened leading up to my big crash! Our house closing is today at 12. We have not put down a contract on anything yet. Praise God the buyers are letting us rent our house back from them until November 15th if we need to for a by the day rate or by the month for $800 less than our current mortgage. Wow. God's hand is in this but would He please reveal the plan to us!!!!!! I feel like I have been stripped to the bone of everything that I I identified with (vision, co-op, friends, schooling plans for the year, house, etc).
On top of that a company that has been pursuing my husband's company has said they want to buy it. They had a meeting with him that same week of the crash to say we want to do this and get us info on numbers etc. Well the next step meeting has been postponed twice. My husband hasn't wanted to make any formal moving plans until he knows if they are purchasing his company and for how much. That will change our financial status and give us the ability to buy in cash.
So, in a nutshell my mantra is that song "I'll praise in the storm". Its hard to not know where your going and let go of control but I am working on it. It has forced my husband and I to have many big talks about our roles and how we communicate. Lots of tears but joy and mercy is new every morning!
Count it all joy.... I am working on this and I'm repeating it to get it in my head and heart!