Sunday, October 11, 2009

A new struggle- Calling out to the Lord

I have never struggled with weight in my life! I have always eaten what i wanted when I wanted to. I have been through healthy wave and junk waves but it never really mattered. I have been pregnant 6 times and every time except this time I have dropped back to a relatively small size. This time I lost weight (after the birth of our fifth child) and gained almost all of it back in a matter of months. I am still nursing but I can't fit most of my clothes that I could even fit last spring! I have been wearing my trendy maternity clothes again. Anyway, its time to start caring and working at this. This is a struggle I am unfamiliar with. Have you had a struggle you knew you couldn't handle on your own easily? I actually have enjoyed the eating! I am on day three of exercise and day two of healthy eating. But its different than in the past. I can't give up this time when it gets too hard. I feel yucky and depressed and not me. This is not me and I will not allow myself to stay where I have gotten myself too. I even bought two larger sized shirts on our date this past Wednesday. I would have bought a skirt too if I found one I liked in my size. But I didn't. I have larger shorts pinned tighter to stay on. I am staying home and exercising. I know if you saw me you would think this is rediculous but everyone knows who they need to be and I feel like I have allowed myself to get to a slovenly state (no exercise and careless eating consuming beverages of high caloric count with no benefit). I feel like the glutton that is spoken of in the Bible.
I went to the Lord this morning and He lead me straight to 2 Kings 5. I read the whole thing. Naaman had leoprosy. He wanted to Lord to heal him. He went to the prophet of God, Elisha, and thought he would preform a miracle for him. Elisha led him to be healed but not the way Naaman expected. At first Naaman refused to do what Elisha asked because it didn't seem as Naaman envised (been there??). When he got over his angry, he decided to follow what Elisha the prophet told him to do, and he was healed. Naaman was so greatful that he wanted to give him something. Elisha wanted nothing from him. Just give God his heart and all the glory.
In my situation, I have Leprosy. I have a spare tire I have never had to deal with. It is my personal leoprosy, no one elses. But God is dealing with me in it. Can you relate? I am no longer the cute tiny one that could wear everything and anything looked good on (that's what others used to say to me). I am a 37 year old mom of 5 that is 12-15 overweight on a small frame and its uncomfortable.
Yes God loves me and sees me as Beautiful but for the first time I am having to receive that in a way I have never had before! Can you relate?

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